I heard Neil Buchanan say "bollocks" last night. I'm still in shock.

Afternoon all. Anyone who's ever had to deal with media industry retards will find this funny:

http://www.youtube.com/user/scissorkicks#p/f/11/oVPkm5zE6QI

I kind of suspected this was the case when I watched Suspiria, actually. It's really offputting.

I've only just woken up. I knew I was tired but 14 hours? That's crazy, sir. And now my fingers are itching. God doesn't like how much I've been wanking.



Well in Italy it sounds like it's just three people: a man, a woman, and a slightly younger woman who can also do young boys. And seeing as pretty much every program is an American drama or sitcom (unless it's one of those godawful Italian game shows where they play accordions), you can channel surf and hear the same voices on each channel. The voice actors can't really act, either, so whatever they're saying on House sounds like it's just flowed smoothly into Heroes or whatever.

Off to get suitably drunk for my mates 21st in the next hour. Not entirely sure how this is going to end.

It's fucking freezing out and I'm meant to be going to a party. Only problem being that I can't really afford the taxi fare back (like fuck I'm walking through Normanton on my own at 4am). Or any booze. Thing is, I hardly get to see the people throwing said party because they're idle fucking stoners who never leave the house, so I should probably turn up.
Decisions decisions. On the plus side, I currently have couscous. Awesome.

Just go and hope that you can crash or bum a lift back in someone else's taxi.
I'll be getting on the party bus at either 2 or 4am. They're the only late night buses back to my town and full of drunken townies.

Nah, everyone else is staying the night, and I can't be arsed, on account of the fact that their house is a shithole. And I mean an epic shithole. There's cat sick/shit everywhere, flies as far as the eye can see, piles of snotty tissues (the bloke is always ill, surprisingly enough), dirty plates with things growing on them, empty pizza boxes, etc. I once had to feed their cat whilst they were away, and I made the fatal mistake of opening the cupboard under the sink in search of the bin (turns out the bin and the floor were the same thing). Out flew a fuckload of flies because in that cupboard was about six weeks worth of washing up that they couldn't be arsed to do, so had just moved it out of their line of vision. Lot of maggots. Nasty.

Yeah, fuck it. I'm not going. I got incredibly fucked last night and now I need sleeps.

Crumbs, the house I'm potentially partying at tonight sounds heavenly by comparison - and that's the house where they can't make a cup of tea because they don't have any crockery. Or jam jars.

Ah, see, these people once offered me a cup of tea. Out came a stained old teapot, with a knife (there were no spoons) to scrape bits of sugar out of the packet and into the tea with. And there were bits of baccy floating around in the tea. And it was served in a bowl.

I actually nominated them for How Clean Is Your House a couple of months ago. I hope to Christ they get on there, if there's anyone who needs the assistance of two Harpic-wielding hags, it's those two.